By Enakaye peculiar Aghogho
Have you ever noticed how we sometimes have a whole picture of what a relationship is supposed to look like before we even get into one? We imagine the constant calls, the thoughtful messages, surprise gifts, endless attention and a partner who somehow knows exactly what we are thinking. Then reality happens, and suddenly we start wondering, “Is something wrong with this relationship?” But maybe nothing is wrong. Maybe we just expected real life to look like the version of love we created in our heads.
I think one of the biggest problems is expecting our partners to always understand us without us actually communicating. We get upset because they didn't notice that something was wrong, didn't reply the way we wanted or didn't do something we expected them to do. But honestly, how is someone supposed to know what you need if you don't tell them? Loving someone does not automatically make you a mind reader. Two people can genuinely care about each other and still misunderstand each other, disagree and have completely different ways of expressing love.
And then there is social media. You open TikTok or Instagram and suddenly everyone seems to be in the perfect relationship. Someone is receiving flowers, another person is being taken on a surprise date, and another couple is posting long messages about how they found their “person.” It is easy to look at all of that and think, “Why isn't my relationship like this?” But we are usually seeing the beautiful moments, not the full story. We don't see the arguments, the difficult conversations, the bad days or the times they simply sit together doing nothing. Comparing your real relationship to somebody else's highlight reel is honestly an unfair comparison.
I also think we put too much pressure on the idea of having the “perfect” partner. We expect someone who will always say the right thing, always be available, never disappoint us and somehow make us happy all the time. But your partner is still a person. They will have bad days. They will make mistakes. They may forget things. They may not always know what to say. And that doesn't automatically mean they don't care. At the same time, accepting that people aren't perfect doesn't mean we should accept disrespect, dishonesty or unhealthy behaviour just because we are in love.
Maybe we need to stop asking whether a relationship looks perfect and start asking whether it feels healthy and respectful. Can you communicate with each other? Can you disagree without constantly trying to hurt each other? Can you have your own life, friends, interests and goals while still being together? Can you admit when you're wrong and actually try to do better? To me, those things matter much more than how cute a couple looks online or how often someone posts their partner.
At the end of the day, I don't think love is supposed to be perfect. I think it is supposed to be real. Real relationships will have misunderstandings, awkward conversations, disagreements and moments when both people have to learn. And maybe that's okay. Instead of expecting someone to love us exactly the way we imagined, maybe we should learn to communicate what we need, understand that our partner is human too, and decide whether both people are genuinely willing to put in the effort. Because sometimes, the problem isn't that love isn't enough; it's that our expectations never left the fantasy.
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