Cooking, Less of a Man? Or an Ego Problem?

Cooking, Less of a Man? Or an Ego Problem?

Igwe Grace Chiamaka 

Many people still believe that house chores belong to women alone. A man who cooks, washes dishes, or helps carry market bags is sometimes seen as "less of a man." But does helping at home really reduce a man's masculinity, or is it simply an ego problem? Shaped by long term beliefs? 

According to the International Labour Organization (ILO), women perform 76.2% of all unpaid care and domestic work worldwide, more than three times as much as men. UN Women reports that women spend about 2.8 more hours each day on unpaid domestic and care work than men. The figures show that women still shoulder most of the responsibilities at home.

Much of this thinking starts from childhood. In many homes, parents and caregivers unknowingly reinforce these beliefs by telling boys, "Leave that for your sister," or, "The kitchen is not for boys." As the saying goes, charity begins at home. These early lessons often shape not only how children see house chores but also how they view responsibility, teamwork, and partnership as adults.

This mindset showed up recently when a young woman in Lagos jokingly asked a man interested in her to help carry groceries and wash a few dishes. He was offended, insisting no self-respecting man and "not even his own mother" would ask that of him. The same attitude plays out in many homes, where some pregnant women continue cooking, cleaning, and caring for other children with little support from their husbands. For many families, this burden has become so common that it is rarely questioned.

Social media often adds to the problem, mocking men who help at home as "woman wrapper" or controlled by their wives. Yet not everyone shares that view. Singer Banky W, speaking about his marriage, once said, "My wife does not really cook... it's not her thing," adding that those uncomfortable with him cooking should focus on their own homes. Author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie makes a similar point in Dear Ijeawele: "The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina." Cooking, she argues, is a life skill, not a gender role.

Building a home has never been one person's job. Sharing chores does not make a man less of a man; it shows maturity, respect, and a willingness to support one's family. If we want the next generation to think differently, the change must begin at home, because the values children learn today are often the values they carry into the homes they build tomorrow.